Dear Family and Friends:
I understand that we will be visiting each other for the holidays this year. Sometimes these visits can be very hard for me, but here is some information that might help our visit to be more successful. As you probably know, I am challenged by an unseen disability called Autism.
Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder which makes it hard for me to understand the environment around me. I have barriers in my brain that you can't see, but which make it difficult for me to adapt to my surroundings. All autistic people are different and need various degrees of support.
My senses are in overdrive. I see, smell, and hear everything so the holidays may be a little over stimulating to me. You may talk to me but I may not respond or I may act like I’m ignoring you because I hear all the sounds going on around me and I don’t know what to respond to.
If I cannot sit at the meal table, do not think I am misbehaving or that my parents have no control over me. Sitting in one place for even five minutes is often impossible for me. I feel so antsy and overwhelmed by all the smells, sounds and people I just have to get up and move about. Please don't hold up your meal for me go on without me, and my parents will handle the situation the best way they know how. Eating in general is hard for me. Think of all the senses involved with eating. Sight, smell, taste, touch, AND all the complicated mechanics that are involved. Chewing and swallowing are things that a lot of people with autism have trouble with. I am not being picky.
When I go to someone else's house, I may appear high maintenance and controlling. Things have to be done in a way that I am familiar with or else I might get confused and frustrated. It doesn't mean you have to change the way you are doing things just please be patient with me, and understanding of how I have to cope. Mom and Dad have no control over how my autism makes me feel inside.
People with autism often have little things that they do to help themselves feel more comfortable called "stimming." I might rock, hum, flick my fingers, or any number of different things. I am not trying to be disruptive or weird. I am doing what I have to do for my brain to adapt to your world. Sometimes I cannot stop myself from talking, singing, or doing an activity I enjoy. I do this only because I have found something to occupy myself that makes me feel comfortable. Stimming is good to a certain degree because it will help me calm down. Please be respectful to my Mom and Dad if they let me "stim" for a while as they know me best and what helps to calm me.
Remember that my Mom and Dad have to watch me much more closely than the average child. This is for my own safety and preservation of your possessions. It hurts my parents' feelings to be criticized for being overprotective, or condemned for not watching me close enough. They are human and have been given an assignment intended for saints.
My parents are good people and need your support. Holidays are filled with sights, sounds, and smells. The average household is turned into a busy, frantic, festive place. Remember that this may be fun for you, but it's very hard work for me to conform. If I fall apart or act out in a way that you consider socially inappropriate, please remember that I don't possess the neurological system that is required to follow some social rules. I am a unique person, an interesting person. I will find my place at this Celebration that is comfortable for us all, as long as you'll try to view the world through my eyes!
Sincerely,
A child with autism
(I read this on another blog. Some of it applies to Chase, some of it doesn't. I feel like sometimes our families tend to forget, in the midst of holiday hustle and bustle, how stressful and hard it is to take a child like Chase to "new" places or houses full of "strange" people.)
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