Somewhere in Between : Brotherly Love

We have struggled a lot in the past few months with the boys fighting. Especially now that Miles is of the age he tries to do EVERYTHING Chase is doing and is all in his space! Specifically Chase has been pushing and hitting Miles (not always undeserved), but none-the-less frustrating to see. All I hoped for, having 2 children so close in age, is that they would share a special bond, be best friends, and love each other - always having each others' backs. I know fighting is par for the course with any children, but to see it all day, every day, was beginning to really wear on me. I had consulted Chase's therapists at BCA a couple of times about how to deal with this issue and stop it. They basically (in a nutshell) suggested that I not draw too much attention to the behavior (as Chase was probably looking for a reaction from me, even if it was a negative one) and not give Miles too much of a reaction either, unless he was legitimately hurt (as he was probably trying to get a reaction from me also). OK?!?! So I ignore them??? Yep! If the situation escalated I simply removed one of the boys, whichever instigated it, and took away whatever they were fighting over (usually the iPad) without saying a word, making a face, or making eye contact with the child. This went on for a couple of months without any change in either of their behaviors. I emailed the therapists back again (a NOVEL of an email) venting my frustrations and concerns because it had gotten so out of hand and no sooner than I sent that email it just all of a sudden it has stopped!

They call it an "extinction burst", when you are trying to change or stop a negative behavior and it gets really bad right before it goes away. Well this must have been one of those scenarios. They are now pleasant towards each other, and even share the majority of the time. Neither one of them hits when the other yanks the iPad away. And they have even started playing nicely and laughing together...something I thought may never happen! I'm not going to say that the hitting and pushing doesn't ever happen now or won't again, but I think Chase has learned to tolerate Miles in a new way...and Miles is learning new ways to pester and annoy big brother...it will never end! :)