Words From Heaven

Every parent knows that feeling, the feeling you get when you hear your child say your name, "mama" or "dada", for the first time.  Or when they say "I love you", or the first time they say their prayers...and all the many firsts that come along when a child is learning to talk, learning language, and expressing themselves to you.

Before we even had an Autism diagnosis for Chase, speech (or lack there of) was our number one concern with his development.  We prayed and prayed for it to come.  To hear him say what it was that he wanted.  For the tantrums and frustrations to stop.  Even after his diagnosis and months in to therapy, we kept praying for words.  For something to "click" and for it to just happen.  Like you read about so many times, that one day they just start speaking.

Well our prayers have been answered.  The words are starting to finally COME!  It has been the hardest puzzle we have ever worked.  All of us.  Including and most especially for Chase.  We have prayed for direction and guidance to make sure we are doing everything we can on our part...to make sure he's in the best school setting, getting the best therapies, utilizing all the resources that we have available, and most recently prayed for guidance in alternative treatments and supplements.

We knew by moving here and putting him at BCA he would be getting the BEST possible therapies available in the state (in our opinion).  We fought to get him in to a blended preK class this year at the and his class and teacher are AWESOME!  (the public school therapies are not the best, at the moment, but that's another issue).  He will be enrolling in a KidTalk study starting after Christmas getting additional FREE speech therapy through a research study at Vanderbilt where they will come to his school 4 days a week for speech therapy!  And starting back in May we began the journey of the gluten free casein free diet.

The diet has been the hardest thing in the last few months that we have done.  Without any proven research on this topic, and with so many different options of diets, supplements, biomedical treatments, etc...it's so hard to know what avenue to go?  We started with the basic, gfcf, diet, which I wrote about here, here and here.  Most recently we have cut out soy, msgs, any preservatives or artificial sweeteners, etc.  He's 100% gfcf, and about 95% free of the other things.  He still eats a handful of things that have one or 2 of those in them, but for the most part they are out of his diet.

In the last 2 months Chase has said more new words than I can count!!!  He's saying 1 or 2 new words just about every day, at either school or at BCA.  It's amazing to hear such sweet words.  Words that we have prayed and prayed to come.  And once again, God has answered our prayers.  There is a renewed hope!

Just today in his daily notes his therapists wrote: "When looking at the star, and after being prompted to show us yellow on the iPad, CH spontaneously said "YELLOW"!  Then during art, he repeated Morgan's direction "Pat-Pat-Pat"!!!"  In another session later he said "water" and "hi" in context!  And last week he said, "Yea, videos!" when the iPad was brought out at circle time.  All of his words are spontaneous and in context, which is EVEN better, because he is intentionally saying things in an appropriate way and appropriate setting

I don't know how much the diet contributes to this success?  I am certainly not going to act like it is the cure-all, because I don't believe that to be the case.  I was a skeptic of this diet, and any alternative treatments, for a long time.  Admittedly, it was easier to be skeptic than to buck up and fight the fight to try it, because it is SO HARD, especially with a very picky eater.  But I do think, in combination with his amazing therapies, this diet has helped clear the "fog" and made the therapies all the more effective!  And we can now tell a MAJOR difference in certain behaviors when we "cheat" on the diet and give him foods with gluten or casein.  And I just don't think it's coincidental that after starting the diet 4-5 months ago, he is now saying words!

Praise the Lord, for answering yet another prayer!  I know Chase has a long way to go, but after a hard week last week, and in moments of doubt (which I am guilty of way too much lately), God once again reminds me that He is in control and that He has much bigger and better plans for Chase in His own timing.

Here is a pic of Chase last week at BCA during "western week" :)

Stewards of Children

A couple of weeks ago all the parents at the Brown Center were highly encouraged to attend this training session called "Stewards of Children" about child sexual abuse.  As soon as I read the email about what the August parent gathering was going to be about I immediately got anxiety.  This is something that has been on my mind for quite some time, especially with Chase being non-verbal, so maybe the timing of this training was perfect.  I was still not prepared for what I would learn and how I would feel walking away from the training.

The numbers are staggering.  About 1 in 10 children experience child sexual abuse before their 18th birthday.  It is likely the most prevalent health problem children face with the most serious array of consequences; ranging from post traumatic stress disorder, to anxiety and depression, to substance abuse, to aggression/hostility, to sexual promiscuity, and MANY more issues.

I highly recommend that EVERY parent or caregiver take this training course.  It is eye opening and will teach you so many ways to not only protect your own children, but any other child you know or come in contact with regularly.

Here is a BRIEF (believe it or not) overview of the main things I took away from the training...

"Child sexual abuse is: any sexual act between an adult and a minor, or between two minors, when one exerts power over the other.   Forcing, coercing or persuading a child to engage in any type of sexual act.  it also includes non-contact acts such as exhibitionism, exposure to pornography, voyeurism and communicating in a sexual manner by phone or internet.  It is a crime punishable by law."

*Child sexual abuse makes children more vulnerable to sexual exploitation. More than 90% of children who are sexually exploited have been sexually abused in the past. 
*Most child victims never report sexual abuse.
*90% of children who are victims of sexual abuse know their abuser.
*30% of children who are sexually abused are abused by family members.
*60% of children who are sexually abused are abused by people the family trusts.
*40% of children who are sexually abused are abused by older, more powerful children.
*10% of less of children who are sexually abused are abused by a stranger.
*It is also possible that you know someone who is sexually abusing a child.  The greatest risk to our children doesn't come from strangers, but from people we know and trust. 

These numbers were outrageous to me!!!!!

Ways to prevent sexual abuse: 
1) Eliminate or reduce isolated, one-on-one situations, and screen those who care for children in youth settings, to decrease the risk of sexual abuse.  80% or more of child sexual abuse incidents happen in isolated one-on-one situations. When you eliminate or reduce isolated, one-on-one situations with children, you dramatically lower the risk of sexual abuse. 
2) Scan the physical environment for hidden and secluded areas, and correct any dangers.
3) Make sure interactions can be observed and interrupted.
4) Anticipate situational risks that occur during youth activities (older youth should not be in isolated, one-on-one situations in youth serving settings).

People who abuse children often become friendly with the potential victims and their families.  They earn trust and gain time alone with children...sometimes this is called "grooming". 

Screening out people who may abuse children is another way to minimize abuse opportunities.  Background checks, in-person interviews that focus on proper boundaries with children, and personal and professional references are all good ways to screen during hirings.

One thing that REALLY stood out to me during the training, which I think is very important with all children, is that we, as parents, need to have age-appropriate, open conversations about our bodies, sex and boundaries with our children.  We need to be sure to teach our children the proper names for body parts (rather than nick names) so that if a child is ever in a position where they are trying to communicate abuse to another adult, that person is aware of what the child is trying to convey.  Make sure that children understand that no matter what has happened, they can share without fear of being blamed.

When appropriate...
*tell children what sexual abuse is
*tell them that it's your job to protect them from sexual abuse
*tell children what parts of the body others should not touch (with examples)
*demonstrate good touching boundaries yourself
*teach children they have the right to tell anyone "NO" to unwanted or uncomfortable touch - never force children to give affection, tell children to trust their gut feeling
*explain what kind of touch is ok from adults trying to help them (like using the restroom, dressing, going to the doctor)
*tell children it's not ok for others to use sexual words with them or act in a sexual way
*teach children to keep a distance from people who make them feel uncomfortable
*explain that secrets can be harmful and if someone asks them to keep a secret they should tell you about it
*teach children not to give out email addresses, home addresses, phone numbers, etc
*ask children about their online experiences and learn and monitor what websites they use
*help children determine who their trusted adults are at school and in other settings
*review safety and touching boundaries anytime a child is in a new situation
*speak and listen calmly, it's important a child feels safe and loved in all these discussions

Learn to recognize the signs of sexual abuse to protect children from further harm.
*Physical signs are not common.  However, when physical signs are present, they may include bruising, bleeding, redness and bumps, or scabs around the mouth, genitals, or anus.  Urinary tract infections, STDs, and abnormal vaginal or penile discharge are also potential signs.
*Other physical problems such as anxiety, chronic stomach pain, or headaches may occur,
*Emotional and behavioral signals are more common.  Some of these are "too perfect" behavior, withdrawal, fear, depression, unexplained anger, or rebellion.
*Nightmares, bed wetting, falling grades, cruelty to animals, bullying, being bullied, fire setting, runaway, and self harm of any kind may be signs.
*Sexual behavior and language that are not age-appropriate can be red flags.
*Use of alcohol or drugs at an early age can be a sign.

If a child discloses sexual abuse to you, they are taking a huge risk.  Give attention, compassion and belief.  DON'T OVERREACT!  Listen calmly and openly.  Don't fill in gaps or rush to "get to the bottom of it".  Allow silence in the conversation so that the child can take his/her time.  Don't ask leading questions about details.  Ask only open-ended questions like "What happened next?" or "It's ok to tell me more."  Say "I believe you" and "It's not your fault" and "I will protect you and I am very proud of you for telling me."

Leaving the training, I felt like I was NEVER going to be able to trust ANYONE with my children ever again.  I took Chase to school the next day and immediately scanned the room to make sure there weren't any secluded areas.  I told the teacher about the training session I did and asked her what their bathroom procedures were like.  I also spoke with both of Chase's therapists at his Pre-K to find out where they were doing their sessions (in the classroom or in a one-on-one setting) and made it clear that I wanted all sessions to be done in the classroom (even though sometimes I think Chase benefits from isolated one-on-one therapies, this is something I am willing to compromise on for his safety).  One-on-one has never been an issue for me at Brown.  Every room is equipped with a camera that is wired to the parent viewing room so it's never even been an issue there.

After doing my due diligence and knowing the signs and things to look for, I feel SOOOO MUCH better knowing that I am doing the most that I can to protect Chase and Miles from that kind of exposure and abuse.  I can't keep them holed up at home for the rest of their lives (even though sometimes I think I want to).

For anyone interested in this training here is the link:
http://www.d2l.org/site/c.4dICIJOkGcISE/b.6243681/k.86C/Child_Sexual_Abuse_Prevention_Training.htm

THE. Carpool. Mom.

Life has been crazy lately (hence no recent posts).  Everyone is back in to the swing of school.  Chase is back going to his Pre-K elementary school class Monday - Friday mornings 8am to noon.  I pick him up between 11:30-12 and come home, feed him lunch, then back in the car to go to BCA from 1:00-4:00pm Monday through Thursday.  It's a long day for him, but he LOVES it and is doing SO WELL in both places.

Miles is still going to BCA as a peer model Monday and Wednesday mornings from 8:30-11:30am.  So on those days, after I drop Chase off, I head to BCA to drop Miles off, go run errands or go home for a couple of hours, then get back out to pick Miles up at 11:30, then go straight to pick Chase up from Pre-K, go BACK home to re-pack snacks, lunch boxes, do lunch, etc... then at 12:40 leave the house again to take Chase to BCA.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays now, Miles has started a Mother's Day Out program from 9:00am-2:30pm.  So on those days I drop Chase off at Pre-K, come back home for an hour, take Miles at 9:00am, pick up Chase at noon, do that whole deal, come back home for another hour and half (or errands, or whatever), pick Miles up at 2:30pm, and then Chase gets picked up again at 4:00pm.

I am THE. Carpool. Mom! :)

But the boys LOVE it.  Miles is loving both places and learning SOOOO much from each of them.

Chase is thriving at Brown right now, saying so many new words lately I can't keep count. He is talking up a storm in his Pre-K class now too.  Not full sentences yet, just words, but it still a miracle.  This has been our number one prayer from day 1...for Chase to talk.  I feel like we are finally on that road and seeing a light we weren't sure we would ever see.

It has been a great first start to the school year.  Of course 2 days in to school starting, both boys came down with runny noses and coughs, but nothing (so far) like we dealt with last year (fingers crossed and prayers being said it doesn't get that bad this year).

All in all, we have high hopes that this year will be a great one for both boys...we seem to be off to a great start either way! :)  Thank you to all the people out there cheering us on, praying for us, and sending us words of encouragement.  They each mean so much to us and we couldn't do this without you all! xoxo

Chase's 1st day of Pre-K!

Miles's 1st day of MDO!