A couple of weeks ago all the parents at the Brown Center were highly encouraged to attend this training session called "Stewards of Children" about child sexual abuse. As soon as I read the email about what the August parent gathering was going to be about I immediately got anxiety. This is something that has been on my mind for quite some time, especially with Chase being non-verbal, so maybe the timing of this training was perfect. I was still not prepared for what I would learn and how I would feel walking away from the training.
The numbers are staggering. About 1 in 10 children experience child sexual abuse before their 18th birthday. It is likely the most prevalent health problem children face with the most serious array of consequences; ranging from post traumatic stress disorder, to anxiety and depression, to substance abuse, to aggression/hostility, to sexual promiscuity, and MANY more issues.
I highly recommend that EVERY parent or caregiver take this training course. It is eye opening and will teach you so many ways to not only protect your own children, but any other child you know or come in contact with regularly.
Here is a BRIEF (believe it or not) overview of the main things I took away from the training...
"Child sexual abuse is: any sexual act between an adult and a minor, or between two minors, when one exerts power over the other. Forcing, coercing or persuading a child to engage in any type of sexual act. it also includes non-contact acts such as exhibitionism, exposure to pornography, voyeurism and communicating in a sexual manner by phone or internet. It is a crime punishable by law."
*Child sexual abuse makes children more vulnerable to sexual exploitation. More than 90% of children who are sexually exploited have been sexually abused in the past.
*Most child victims never report sexual abuse.
*90% of children who are victims of sexual abuse know their abuser.
*30% of children who are sexually abused are abused by family members.
*60% of children who are sexually abused are abused by people the family trusts.
*40% of children who are sexually abused are abused by older, more powerful children.
*10% of less of children who are sexually abused are abused by a stranger.
*It is also possible that you know someone who is sexually abusing a child. The greatest risk to our children doesn't come from strangers, but from people we know and trust.
These numbers were outrageous to me!!!!!
Ways to prevent sexual abuse:
1) Eliminate or reduce isolated, one-on-one situations, and screen those who care for children in youth settings, to decrease the risk of sexual abuse. 80% or more of child sexual abuse incidents happen in isolated one-on-one situations. When you eliminate or reduce isolated, one-on-one situations with children, you dramatically lower the risk of sexual abuse.
2) Scan the physical environment for hidden and secluded areas, and correct any dangers.
3) Make sure interactions can be observed and interrupted.
4) Anticipate situational risks that occur during youth activities (older youth should not be in isolated, one-on-one situations in youth serving settings).
People who abuse children often become friendly with the potential victims and their families. They earn trust and gain time alone with children...sometimes this is called "grooming".
Screening out people who may abuse children is another way to minimize abuse opportunities. Background checks, in-person interviews that focus on proper boundaries with children, and personal and professional references are all good ways to screen during hirings.
One thing that REALLY stood out to me during the training, which I think is very important with all children, is that we, as parents, need to have age-appropriate, open conversations about our bodies, sex and boundaries with our children. We need to be sure to teach our children the proper names for body parts (rather than nick names) so that if a child is ever in a position where they are trying to communicate abuse to another adult, that person is aware of what the child is trying to convey. Make sure that children understand that no matter what has happened, they can share without fear of being blamed.
When appropriate...
*tell children what sexual abuse is
*tell them that it's your job to protect them from sexual abuse
*tell children what parts of the body others should not touch (with examples)
*demonstrate good touching boundaries yourself
*teach children they have the right to tell anyone "NO" to unwanted or uncomfortable touch - never force children to give affection, tell children to trust their gut feeling
*explain what kind of touch is ok from adults trying to help them (like using the restroom, dressing, going to the doctor)
*tell children it's not ok for others to use sexual words with them or act in a sexual way
*teach children to keep a distance from people who make them feel uncomfortable
*explain that secrets can be harmful and if someone asks them to keep a secret they should tell you about it
*teach children not to give out email addresses, home addresses, phone numbers, etc
*ask children about their online experiences and learn and monitor what websites they use
*help children determine who their trusted adults are at school and in other settings
*review safety and touching boundaries anytime a child is in a new situation
*speak and listen calmly, it's important a child feels safe and loved in all these discussions
Learn to recognize the signs of sexual abuse to protect children from further harm.
*Physical signs are not common. However, when physical signs are present, they may include bruising, bleeding, redness and bumps, or scabs around the mouth, genitals, or anus. Urinary tract infections, STDs, and abnormal vaginal or penile discharge are also potential signs.
*Other physical problems such as anxiety, chronic stomach pain, or headaches may occur,
*Emotional and behavioral signals are more common. Some of these are "too perfect" behavior, withdrawal, fear, depression, unexplained anger, or rebellion.
*Nightmares, bed wetting, falling grades, cruelty to animals, bullying, being bullied, fire setting, runaway, and self harm of any kind may be signs.
*Sexual behavior and language that are not age-appropriate can be red flags.
*Use of alcohol or drugs at an early age can be a sign.
If a child discloses sexual abuse to you, they are taking a huge risk. Give attention, compassion and belief. DON'T OVERREACT! Listen calmly and openly. Don't fill in gaps or rush to "get to the bottom of it". Allow silence in the conversation so that the child can take his/her time. Don't ask leading questions about details. Ask only open-ended questions like "What happened next?" or "It's ok to tell me more." Say "I believe you" and "It's not your fault" and "I will protect you and I am very proud of you for telling me."
Leaving the training, I felt like I was NEVER going to be able to trust ANYONE with my children ever again. I took Chase to school the next day and immediately scanned the room to make sure there weren't any secluded areas. I told the teacher about the training session I did and asked her what their bathroom procedures were like. I also spoke with both of Chase's therapists at his Pre-K to find out where they were doing their sessions (in the classroom or in a one-on-one setting) and made it clear that I wanted all sessions to be done in the classroom (even though sometimes I think Chase benefits from isolated one-on-one therapies, this is something I am willing to compromise on for his safety). One-on-one has never been an issue for me at Brown. Every room is equipped with a camera that is wired to the parent viewing room so it's never even been an issue there.
After doing my due diligence and knowing the signs and things to look for, I feel SOOOO MUCH better knowing that I am doing the most that I can to protect Chase and Miles from that kind of exposure and abuse. I can't keep them holed up at home for the rest of their lives (even though sometimes I think I want to).
For anyone interested in this training here is the link:
http://www.d2l.org/site/c.4dICIJOkGcISE/b.6243681/k.86C/Child_Sexual_Abuse_Prevention_Training.htm
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