As A Parent (Especially A Mother) Trust Your Gut

Chase was about 18 months when we started to notice things that were "different" from other kids his age.  Our main concern at that point was that he was not progressing in speech at all and had in fact lost the few words he was starting to say in the months prior.  We expressed concern to his pediatrician and he told us to "give it some more time, he was still young".  As the months went on, and still no new words, we continued to press his pediatrician for answers or guidance and he KEPT telling us "he's a boy, boys can be late talkers compared to girls, give him 'till he's 2".  So we did...and then arrived baby #2...our sweet boy Miles...one month before Chase's 2nd birthday.

Everyone kept saying Chase would revert anyway with a new baby, "just give him time to adjust" or "he's just being stubborn", but Chase and I knew deep down that something wasn't right.  I spent MANY MANY hours laying awake at night, researching and reading online, crying, and praying to God to please let him start talking.  Because that was all I cared about at that point; hearing Chase say a word - ANY WORD.  I knew there were other things to be concerned about developmentally, but all I wanted was to hear him talk.  His pediatrician STILL would not say the word (Autism) or give us any guidance as to what to do or where to go?!  In fact, he brushed off our concerns of Autism all together.

I wanted to make sure I covered all my bases, so I took Chase to have his hearing checked.  A friend referred me to a lady who used to run the KITE Center for kids with Autism (which had just recently closed due to lack of funding).  I went to her house for an "initial assessment" to see if she could do anything to help.  We sat in her tiny office with the door closed while she tried to get him to point to pictures, play with certain toys, repeat words, for an hour...he was NOT HAVING ANY OF IT.  Then she "tested his hearing" but couldn't get an accurate reading because he wouldn't cooperate.  She had us come back the next week so she could try her assessments again and charged me $150 for her time.  A week later she emailed me a couple of paragraphs with her suggestions which basically said that Chase had "behavior issues" that we needed to address and that we needed to have a strict routine at home and work on these behaviors before she could help him.  I was IRRATE!  These issues were NOT due to his behavior...I believed with all my heart it was something more than behavioral problems.

We were at a loss and no one would tell us what to do!  So I took him to the West TN Hearing and Speech Center to have his hearing tested for real (which it turned out to perfectly normal) and was FINALLY given some useful information.  The girl who did Chase's hearing test talked to me about his delays and why we were having his hearing tested and told me to get one of the fliers at the reception desk and call TEIS; that they would come out to our house and do an assessment for free and determine if Chase needed any types of therapy!  Hallelujah!  A small breakthrough!  WHY COULDN'T CHASE'S PEDIATRICIAN HAVE TOLD US ABOUT THIS PROGRAM???  This is something I still struggle with and don't understand.

TEIS came to our house the summer after Chase turned 2 and did their best to do some assessments on him to determine where he stood developmentally.  He wouldn't cooperate for most of them, but they saw enough to decide that he needed Speech, Developmental and Occupational Therapies.  And so those therapies began.  We didn't have a formal diagnosis at this point but I hoped and prayed that with some therapy he would catch up to speed. We started seeing Stephanie Tong from LeBonheur Children's Outreach Program 2x a week, for an hour each time, (in our home) for speech.  Miss JoEtta Staton came to our house once a week, for an hour, for Developmental Therapy.  They were both so sweet and helpful.  JoEtta told me about a program at the Therapy and Learning Center (formerly the Kiwanis Center) for children with special needs.  This daycare program is very hard to get in to and very good, but if a child is receiving therapies through TEIS they get priority and bumped to the top of the list.  Chase got in the first of September and began going 3 days a week.  He was still getting speech twice a week at home and began getting his developmental and occupational therapies at TLC while he was there 3 days a week.  The therapists were all great, and I cannot say enough WONDERFUL things about his teachers Miss Kecia and Miss Leslie in the green room.  They helped him so much, but it was still not enough for us to settle on.

***On a side note, shortly after we found out about TEIS I switched to a different pediatrician.  I had gone to our new one one day when Chase was sick because our regular pediatrician wasn't in that day.  I mentioned to the new Doctor a few of my concerns about Chase and his lack of talking and his response was "Well, I'm not equipped to diagnose anything, but I can tell you from the few minutes I have been in this room with Chase that he shows several signs of Autism."  I switched to this doctor from that day forward.  I appreciated his honesty and for validating my concerns.  I wasn't crazy after all!

I tirelessly researched more online and decided to make an appointment at Vanderbilt with a developmental pediatrician to have Chase formally assessed.  It was going to be 4-6 months before we could get in...the LONGEST 4 months of my life!!!

December 4, 2012
I will always remember this day.  Chase, myself and little Chase drove to Nashville for his visit with Dr. Zachary Warren at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital.  They told us the appointment would last anywhere from 2-4 hours...and it did.  I was physically sick and a nervous wreck leading up to that day and all throughout the visit.  We had filled out pages and pages of questionnaires prior to the visit and still they asked us hundreds more questions about Chase's development, behaviors, etc.  Then they performed a series of activities and tasks with him to see what he knew and what all he could do.  After what seemed like an entire day in that exam room Dr. Warren came back in with his official diagnosis...AUTISM.  We knew it.

I couldn't even cry.  I wanted to.  He asked if we had any questions.  I had a million, but couldn't think of one.  He asked if we needed a minute alone.  I just wanted to leave.  As soon as we got in the car the tears came.  I'm still not sure what they were for.  Sadness.  Relief.  Fear.  I was overwhelmed with every emotion, but the one that hit me the most was LOVE.  A deep, protective love for my sweet baby Chase.  I knew, even before that visit, that I would do ANYTHING for this child, but now God was putting us to the test.  I will never forget pulling out of the parking garage at Vanderbilt and Chase said, "We are going to have to move to Nashville.  Chase can't get the help he needs in Jackson".

And so the process began...