I think back on some of the stupid and careless things I did in high school and college and wish that I had had more fear in me back then. So what has changed? Why am I so fearful of everything now? I can't watch scary movies (or even previews for them) and I avoid the news because of all the horrible things happening out there...sometimes I feel like I can't help myself. But I can!!! It's something I have to pray about daily and even hourly sometimes! Maybe it's anxiety or sleep deprivation (yes my, 22 month old STILL doesn't sleep through the night, but that's a whole other blog post/issue)?!? I let things that I hear or see on TV in to my mind and it just spirals out of control from there. I start imagining scenarios in my head of things happening to me or the boys (God forbid) and start thinking about "what ifs". What would I do if this happened to me or that happened to so and so?
Just this week I had a conversation with a parent and Chase's school about how she's getting a standard poodle to train as a therapy dog to track her 2.5 year old daughter because her daughter runs off (elopes) and hides. It sent me in to a mini panic attack thinking about Chase eloping and I had all but figured out how I could get him microchipped before I made myself snap back to reality and prayed for God's peace over my heart and mind. I know in my heart that God is sovereign over everything and He has a plan for all of us that is completely out of my control. But it's something I have to remind myself of OFTEN, especially in moments like those. And night before last I laid in bed for over an hour trying to go to sleep but couldn't because I kept thinking I heard someone in our house or heard the screen door open. It sends my heart rate through the roof!
IT'S STUPID SATAN getting in to my mind. It's a dangerous thing. I know this, yet sometimes these horrible thoughts will pop in to my head and I have to immediately pray for God to take these thoughts from me and banish Satan from my thoughts and mind before I let it go too far.
I didn't used to be this way...I'm blaming it on the boys or having a baby in general. It's the over-protective "mother bear" coming out. But it's not healthy and it's not holy. I have taken refuge in several scriptures that I try to remind myself of when these instances occur:
Ephesians 6:11-13
11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.
12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.
13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.
2 Corinthians: 3-5
3 For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.
4 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.
5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
Psalm 91
1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
3 Surely he will save you
from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
and you make the Most High your dwelling,
10 no harm will overtake you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
and you make the Most High your dwelling,
10 no harm will overtake you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”
A couple of days after I wrote this post I read this on facebook and found it so fitting and so perfect for how I've been feeling lately. It's funny how these things pop up JUST when you need them! :) (and PS, I LOVE Lysa TerKeurst)
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