To Miles

I spend most of my time writing about Chase and therapies and diets and all things Autism related, but this past week "snowed/iced in" has gotten me thinking about Miles.  Albeit whiney and attention craving (what 2 1/2 year old isn't?), I've realized what all he has to put up with and how mature beyond his age he really is...so this post is for you Miles!

Dear Miles,
From the moment we found out we were pregnant with you we were thrilled with the idea of having a sibling so close in age with Chase (you would be 23 months apart)!  Having both had brothers and sisters so close in age, your dad I wanted the same for Chase (and for you).  When we found out that you were a boy, and that Chase was going to have a little brother, we were even more excited!

This was all before the reality of Autism crept in to our lives.

We had dreams of you two being best friends, playing sports together, being close throughout school, fighting over girls...typical dreams, of typical parents and typical families.  But our life is not typical.  As we counted down the days to your delivery, the realization of Chase's Autism also kicked in, and those dreams quickly shifted.

The months after you were born were both joyful and heartbreaking.  We took in every moment with you, getting to know you, and feeling the love in our hearts expand from one child to two.  But the reality that Chase would not dote on or notice his new little brother was always lurking.  He cried every time you cried.  He did not want to hold you or touch you or want anything to do with you.  He didn't know how to.  He didn't understand.  Those dreams of you two being best of friends felt shattered.

As time went by and you grew and developed and became mobile, you followed Chase ALL OVER the house.  You wanted to do everything your big brother did.  Play with everything he played with.  You just wanted to be near him, have his attention, if even for a few seconds.  You didn't get it often, but you never gave up.  You never stopped trying and you never got upset when Chase turned and ran the other way.

As hard as it was, and is, to watch sometimes, we are beginning to realize what an amazing little soul you are.  God has a big plan for your life and it started with being Chase's little brother.  We see you grow and develop in to a super smart little boy.  You are full of personality and humor.  You are relentless in your attempts to get Chase's attention, and you never give up on trying to engage with him, get him to play, give him affection.  You are the BEST built-in peer model any child with Autism could hope for! ;)

It has gotten better.  Chase has warmed up to you.  He actually pays attention to you now and laughs with you, wrestles with you, lays in bed with you, lets you hold his hand, and hugs you!  It warms our hearts to see the bond you two are forming, in your own little unique way.  And the empathy you are learning through your personal experiences at home is something we could never begin to teach you.

Miles, you are one amazing little boy!  You are so sensitive and caring.  So loving and gentle.  I sometimes cringe at the level of maturity you have had to rise to at such a young age, but I know God has put you in our lives for a special reason and that you will do wonderful things as you go through life.  You get away with A LOT more than I like to admit...but you also deal with WAY MORE than most 2 1/2 year olds should have to deal with at your age.

You are a true blessing dear sweet Miles and I thank God EVERY day for both you and Chase and all the amazing things you teach your dad and me!
xoxo

On The Fence

I've had a blog post brewing for a while now.   I wasn't sure how to put my feelings in to words, or even figure what exactly I feel on this subject of vaccines, but as the days have passed and more things keep getting thrown at me and in my face it has been tugging at my heart to share my thoughts and our story.  I'll preface this with: these are my opinions, I am NOT claiming to know everything, I am simply venting...I've had enough!

This all started with all these pro-vaccine/anti-vaccine articles and facebook rants that keep popping up in my news feeds.  I guess I'm adding another one to that list.  I get it though...the government and media are really good at fear-mongering.  They pick a topic of the day/week/month and continue to find and write articles to share with the general public to get them all riled up.  Congrats...it has worked!  Everyone is FREAKING out because a handful of people and kids have gotten measles.  Or kind of like the Ebola scare.  Or the flu vaccine/outbreak.  Everyone has an opinion and rightfully so.  But NO ONE has the right to judge or point fingers or call people names without knowing the whole story!  I'm tired of the blanket statements.

I used to be on the side of the fence that was pro-vaccine.  I never judged or thought that anti-vaccine people were irresponsible or crazy, it just wasn't the route we chose to go, initially.  When it comes to vaccines and Autism I never thought, and still don't think, that vaccines are THE CAUSE of Autism.  However, in the past year, I have changed my thoughts on a lot of things diet-related and vaccine-related.  I don't necessarily think vaccines cause Autism, but I do think that some kids with Autism should be in the group classified as "immune suppressed" because they are just that!  And some kids are genetically pre-disposed to react.  And vaccines DO play a part in contributing to Autism-like symptoms and regressions in those kids.  I've seen it first-hand now.  I've witnessed my child react and regress.

I've learned (some, not enough) about MTHFR mutations, methylation issues, glutathione levels, candida, parasites, gut bacteria, mitochondrial dysfunction, vitamin deficiencies...the list goes on.  I spend COUNTLESS hours every day reading and researching and trying to learn AS MUCH as I can about anything related to Autism that may help my son.  It's a full time job...it's endless...it's exhausting...it's scary...it's frustrating...and it's also rewarding and liberating when you find a piece of that puzzle that works!  It's a lot of trial and error.  Unfortunately there isn't enough money or research being done on causes of Autism or alternative treatments, but that's a whole other issue.  And unfortunately, parents are not made aware of simple tests that can be done to predetermine how their child will react to certain vaccines prior to injecting them.  Pediatricians aren't educated on MTHFR and such...it's not "popular science" so it's never even brought up, until it's too late.  And the damage is done.

Along the same lines, I used to think gluten-free/dairy-free diets were a hoax.  It wasn't "for us".  That alternative treatments were crazy and therapy was the ONLY proven thing that would work.  I never thought Chase had "leaky gut" because he was always so "regular" in his BMs...he was never constipated or had chronic diarrhea.   But I was not fully informed.  I only knew part of the story.  I had not done my due diligence in research.  I had not opened my mind to that train of thought, because I was not ready to hear it.  Because it is HARD.  The diet is tough, especially for kids who are picky eaters.  Change is hard too.  People get comfortable in their routines and lifestyles and don't want to make the necessary changes to better their health or their child's symptoms, so they criticize.  It happens all the time.  But now that I have opened my eyes/ears/mind/heart and learned what I have learned, I am starting to see a different side of the argument.  I now know that Chase does have a leaky/damaged gut, and I know it has nothing to do with his BMs (for the most part).  We have done the stool test, done the urine test, will probably do more tests, but we now know without doubt there is a connection.  Had I kept a closed-mind we may still be where we were a year ago, without as much progress, fighting the same battles every day.  Like a hamster on a wheel.

My point is, we all owe it to each other to do our research, try to see another point of view and open our minds to someone else's side of the argument, or at least their story, before pointing fingers and throwing out accusations, because no one side is right ALL of the time, especially regarding vaccines and alternative treatments.  There is no "One Size Fits All" solution to this argument.  Every child is different.  Every child reacts to things differently.  We are all just trying to do the best we can for our families.

It is so easy (and cowardly) to sit back and point fingers at everyone else.  It's easy to blame other people and jump on the bandwagon for the "popular side of the argument".  For us personally, the vaccine issue is a major struggle.  I'm terrified of both options...to vaccinate and to not vaccinate. I have experienced firsthand what it's like to watch your child react to every! little! thing! because his gut is so damaged and he is so extremely sensitive to the slightest things... foods/additives/OTC medications/soaps/shampoos/playdoh...  We are working so hard to get Chase's body back in balance, to optimize his ability to learn and function...it's a DAILY struggle.  I just ask that people try to be more compassionate and less judgmental until you know the whole story.

We all want our kids to be safe and healthy.  Bottom line.

Thank You 2014, Hello 2015!

I started this post right before Thanksgiving, as I was reflecting back on the past year.  As life does, things got crazy and busy and I never had time to sit down and finish this post.  So as the new year begins, reflecting back on 2014, not much has changed from my initial post...

I am especially thankful for everything I have learned in this past year.  I have learned patience, on a whole other level.  I have learned trust, deeper than I ever knew.  I have learned selflessness, even when I wanted to be selfish.  I have learned to love, in the hardest of times, and when I really wasn't feeling love.  And I have learned perseverance, even when I thought I could not take any more!

I am in no way patting myself on the back, because this past year has been anything but perfect and everything but pretty in this process of learning and growing.  It is a DAILY struggle and CONSTANT learning process, but I am so thankful for where it has gotten me and our whole entire family.  I am especially thankful for how it has made me grow as a person, in my faith, in my relationships, and in my ability to teach my children.

PATIENCE:
This is something I have to work on every single day.  I am not always patient, and often times lose it, but I have learned to recognize when those feelings are coming on and try to stop myself before it gets to the point of yelling and screaming or saying things I can't take back.  I've tried to learn to take a deep breath, think about the situation and who the adult is (ME - Ha!).  Because I'll be honest...2 1/2 year olds can PUSH YOUR BUTTONS in a way no other human has ever done before! :)  I have found that when I scream or yell, it only makes the situation worse.  But when I am calm and patient it's a learning opportunity for everyone involved.

Aside from 2 1/2 year olds, I have also learned to be patient with Chase and his progress.  It's hard when you see a child, especially one who has been non-verbal for 4 1/2 years and is now saying so many new words every day, not to want to push harder.  I am CONSTANTLY reading online and researching different treatment paths and diets.  I want so badly to do any and everything I can do keep this progress going, to speed it up, to push harder.  BUT I know that's not the best thing for him.  I know I need to be patient and give the things we are doing right now ample time to work before pursuing the next thing. I am sooooo thankful we were patient this time around when we started the GFCF diet.  And that we gave it time to really work.  I struggled.  I wanted to give up.  I wanted to let my child eat "normal" foods, I still do!  But I am so glad we stuck with it because the results have been truly amazing to witness!

Patience in God's timing.  We really started to see how His timing played out when we made the move to Nashville last year.  And God has not stopped showing us His timing and plan since we moved.  Every time we thought we were at a stand still or got inpatient, God revealed little glimpses of hope or His plan to us.  And it has been truly amazing to witness it play out each day/week/month...


TRUST:
I have not only learned to trust in God, but also others.  I have a very "Type A" personality.  I like to be in control of things, do things my way, and take charge.  I probably struggle with letting go of minor things and routines, more than anything else, but I am slowing learning to trust in others' abilities as well.  I'm sure my husband would be the first to tell you how anal I am at home, and how I like things to be done a certain way...I'm aware and working on it honey! :)

And speaking of my husband...I have always trusted him, in the sense that I knew he would always be faithful, and would always be there for us, and would always have my back, etc.  But this past year, through the ups and downs of therapies, financial struggles, unknowns, and all that life has thrown at us...I feel such a deeper trust in our relationship.  I feel like we can make it through anything and I'm so thankful that God put Chase in my life to be my partner through this journey because I cannot imagine doing life with anyone else.  He is my voice of reason, my calming force, he grounds me, and I know without a doubt that he would do ANYTHING to provide for us and give us everything we need!  He has trusted in all my crazy ideas, alternative treatments, diet plans, recipes.  And I absolutely could not make it day to day without his trust and support as well!

SELFLESSNESS:
I know I am not alone in feeling like I give 110% of myself to my kids, husband, friends and everyone but myself, most days.  I have never been this out of shape in my life or been so beat down tired at the end of the day.  It's easy to feel sorry for yourself or have the "woe is me" attitude when life gets hectic and your kids are at the age where they are SO DEMANDING, ALL! THE! TIME!  I have been working part time from home since April (typing medical dictations), so even though Miles started Mother's Day Out this fall, every spare minute of free time was now spent on working while they were in school.  And since putting Chase on such a strict, whole foods diet, every other spare minute of my day is now involving cooking (everything from scratch).  I spend most every day either carpooling, grocery shopping, cooking, wiping butts, dealing with meltdowns, or cleaning the house/doing laundry.  By the time Chase gets home from work I am usually at the point of losing it on one of the kids, but he swoops in almost every night and saves the day by doing bath time (while I start cooking, again!).  Once the kids are off to bed (which isn't usually until around 8:00-8:30), Chase and I will sit down to eat, if we didn't squeeze in a few bites in between bath and bedtime, then I plop on the couch to finish working (usually until 11:00-12:00 at night).  Which pretty much leaves Chase and I NO time for each other, much less any time for myself.  I have days where I feel sorry for myself, where I feel like I will never have "Me Time" ever again.  But when I see how crucial these little things are in making the boys happy, or things easier for Chase so he can go to work and not worry about them, it makes me think of it as a "job".  I am not good at sitting idle, or not working, but thinking of these daily things as a job has helped me realize how important these mundane tasks really are.
*Since I initially wrote this, after much prayer and discussion with Chase, I have quit working from home (as of mid-December) so that I can more time to focus on Chase's therapies, observing and sitting in on more sessions, and possibly even time to work out! ;)

One day I will make it back to the gym.  And one day I will lose that last 10lbs of pregnancy weight.  And one day I will be able to get a pedicure on a Tuesday!  But today I am thankful that I am in a position to GET to be at home with my kids.  To GET to take them to and from school every day.  To GET to stay home and cook all these things that have helped change Chase's life.  Because had I been at a 9-5 job, none of these things would be possible!

LOVE:
I love God.  I love Chase.  I love my kids.  I love my family.  I love my friends.  I love the fall.  I love the beach.  I love a lot of things.  But this past year, I am especially thankful for the love of my husband.
I love my husband dearly.  I am committed to him until the day I die.  This last year, like I have said before, had many ups and downs, and just like any other normal couple (they are lying if they say things are hunky dory 100% of the time), we have had our rough patches.  And I would be lying if I said that raising any child, much less a child with special needs, isn't hard on any marriage.  We've had our fair share of fights, disagreements, and resentments, but at the end of the day, we have grown through those times and risen above the conflict.  We are still working on things, every day, but my love and respect for my husband has grown more and more with each year (or day for that matter) of our marriage. He never ceases to amaze me.  He is the best father to our boys.  They LOVE and adore him so much, and it warms my heart to see that bond they share with him.  I am so thankful he is ours and that we get to raise our family together and grow old together.  I am thankful for our ever deepening love.

PERSEVERANCE:
This journey of Autism is not an easy one.  There are so many unknowns.  So little guidance.  So many options and paths.  No one will hold your hand.  No one will walk you through it.  It is a lot of work.  Lots of followup phone calls, emails, reminders.  Constant collaboration and communication between therapies and teachers.  It's easy to want to throw in the towel and just go with the flow.  It's much harder to push for what your child deserves.  To push for what they need.  To fight insurance for coverage.  To fight doctors to hear you out.  To fight people who don't understand everything you are doing.  I am thankful we never gave up.  I am thankful we keep pushing for Chase to get what he deserves.  I am thankful we stuck with his diet.  I am thankful we persevered through the rough patches...and I am soooo thankful for the progress Chase has made because of it all!  We are far from the end of this journey.  But we have a renewed sense of hope these last few months.  His progress has been AMAZING to say the least.  And I am thankful we stuck with our gut instincts and have gotten Chase the help he deserves and needs!

There are SO MANY reasons to be thankful for this year and I know that God has so many more amazing things in store for us all in 2015.  HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!

Cheat Days

I get lazy sometimes.  I feel guilty...mommy guilt!  I want things to just be easy and "normal"... so we cheat (with food) sometimes.  And it always backfires!  Chase LOVES it!  And it's awesome, in the moment.  It actually feels like things are "normal" and "easy" and "care-free"... then 2 days later reality hits!

We can't cheat!  It SUCKS!!!  I just want to feed my child the Chick-fil-A nuggets that he loves...or the grilled cheese...or the goldfish he craves!  But it's always hell to pay a couple of days later when the gluten takes full affect.

We are dealing with that wrath now.  Not nearly as bad as in the past, but we cheated last weekend and let Chase eat a grilled cheese (he LOVED every second of it and was so happy), but all of these behaviors that had gone away, came back (same story different day).  Soooo....just goes to show, the diet is actually working, and amazing to see when those things come back!

Preventing Autism | What the Parents Say

Disclaimer: I am not in any way promoting "anti-vaccination" (my kids are up to date on theirs as of their 4th and 2nd birthdays)...I am; however, promoting education.  Do you're homework and due diligence on what you put in to your children (and yourself) before giving them drugs/antibiotics/supplements/etc.  These are just a few links I have come across recently.  I have no idea how credible they are, but I feel like these types of articles just keep falling in my lap or showing up in my news feeds, etc. every day.  It can't be coincidence.  Every child is different, and every child reacts to things differently.

http://www.vaccinationnews.org/DailyNews/May2001/WhatsInVax.htm

http://yournewswire.com/johns-hopkins-scientist-reveals-shocking-report-on-flu-vaccines/

http://vactruth.com/

http://www.vacfacts.info/mthfr-genetics-autism-and-disease.html

http://thinkingmomsrevolution.com/unmedicated-me/

http://www.thehealthyhomeeconomist.com/choose-best-probiotic-supplement/

http://thinkingmomsrevolution.com/healing-power-homeopathy/

http://www.naturalnews.com/047675_MMR_vaccine_CDC_fraud_Andrew_Wakefield.html

http://www.infowars.com/immunologist-admits-babies-only-vaccinated-to-train-parents/

And when you have 1.5-2hrs with nothing left on your DVR...check out this documentary (free to watch until Nov. 21)
http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2014/11/15/vaccine-safety-greater-good.aspx?e_cid=20141115Z1_DNL_art_1&utm_source=dnl&utm_medium=email&utm_content=art1&utm_campaign=20141115Z1&et_cid=DM60121&et_rid=729985801

Resources

These are some links and resources I have frequented a lot lately, as well as some documentaries that really changed/impacted my opinions as of late.

Unblind My Mind & Unblind My Mind Facebook Page

Food Babe

Center for Proactive Medicine

Dr. Josh Axe

Meg Meeker, MD

The Greater Good Documentary (view for free until Nov. 21)

Food, Inc.  Documentary

Bought Documentary (view for free until Nov. 21)

http://gianelloni.wordpress.com/

Against All Grain  This cookbook has recently become a staple in our kitchen!

Things CH Said This Week:

*Animal (imitated this)

*Go (in response to "Are you ready to go?")

*Done (when he was "done" going potty and "done" with his iPad tasks)

*Let It Go (when Miss Morgan turned on "Frozen" for him to watch)

*Help

*Hi

*No

*J (his sweet teacher/therapist at BCA, who he loves and says her name every day he sees her now!)

*Book/Dragon (filled in the blanks with these words during story time)

*Mama (when I asked him what my name was and said it he repeated after me)

*Dada (same thing, I asked him who daddy was and he repeated it!)

*Jump
*Square
*Truck
*Duck
*Hi

Whole Foods = Happy Boys

It's been almost a month since I posted.  Things have been pretty steady on the home front lately.  Chase is continuing to make lots of progress and say lots of new words EVERY day (at therapy).  It has been truly amazing to see such a change in him.

I have been reflecting back a lot lately about how far we have come.  It's easy to get caught up in the day to day craziness, carpooling, grocery shopping/cooking, and refereeing between the boys, to notice the changes.  But when I think back to this time last year, a month in to our move to Nashville and a month in to therapy at BCA, I am truly amazed at how far Chase has come.

In the last year:
*He stopped having meltdowns over minor things (and most everything for that matter - tantrums are very rare these days)...and transitions are so much smoother.
*He stopped hitting Miles when he gets mad or annoyed at him (which is quite often). ;)
*He has learned to communicate through his iPad for 1000s of things reducing his frustrations even more.
*He recently overcame his fear of the swing...just this week he has started requesting for us to PUSH him high in the swing!  He has not wanted us near him on a swing in over 2 years.  This is something we have worked on in OT for over a year now, tolerating being on a swing.
*Stemming is at a minimum these days.  He used to do the flapping and would also hop/jump or run around the house aimlessly yelling or making incessant noises just for sensory input.  He doesn't seem to need NEAR as much sensory input lately.
*He is falling asleep without Melatonin and sleeping solid through the night (AND NOT WAKING UP AT 4 or 5am!!!) and waking up around 6:30-6:45 now. (THIS IS HUGE...we were sooooo tired for so long)
*And on that note, has given up his pacifier JUST THIS WEEK!!!
*He has become potty trained (for the most part - #1, but not #2).
*He has shifted to a gluten free/casein free diet amazingly well and is in feeding therapy, learning to eat lots of new foods (slowly but surely).
*He is no longer laughing or crying over "nothing".  He used to laugh hysterically at nothing in particular or cry for no apparent reason (I think this is gluten related, but more on that later).
*He plays with toys he has never shown interest in before and LOVES to cut and glue and do arts and crafts!
*He is more engaged and aware of his surroundings and seeks out interaction with peers more than he ever has.
*He and Miles actually laugh and interact and play with each other, and it warms my heart.
*He does not run off or elope in stressful or new situations anymore.  I used to not be able to take him and Miles anywhere "open" by myself for fear he would bolt in the opposite direction from me if I let go of his hand.  Parks without fences were not an option.  Now he stays close, and obeys me when I say "come back/here".  This is a huge relief!
*He is happy and pleasant and calm almost all the time now.  Chase has always been a sweet happy child, but now I can just see it in his eyes, he feels good, and he's HAPPY.
*HE HAS WORDS!!!!  This is the prayer we have prayed the hardest for.  And in the last 2-3 months he has started saying words!!!

On top of his amazing therapies he is receiving at BCA, we started Chase on a GFCF diet back in June.  I wrote about it here and here and here.  And I have to say, I am taken aback at how much the diet (anyone's diet) can truly affect their entire body and mind.  I honestly think, that had we not put Chase on such a strict diet, he would not have made such giant gains in the last few months.

We have recently started phasing out all processed foods in an attempt to get Chase (and our whole family) on a more whole food/organic diet.  No more processed, store bought foods, no preservatives, no GMOs, no MSGs, no gluten, no casein, no soy.  We have also cut out all supplements except for a probiotic in an attempt to heal the gut and get all the good bacteria back on track in his system, in a natural way.

CANDIDA!  Both the boys have had TERRIBLE yeast rashes around their mouths and bottoms for over 2 months now.  I have tried everything.  We started with Lotrimin and Hydrocortisone creams (did nothing), so I took them back to the pediatrician who Rx'd an antibiotic.  I opted not to give it because I knew it would not help the yeast and would probably strip their gut of even more good bacteria, only making it worse, so I researched and started using Oregano Oil and Coconut oil (rubbed on the bottom of their feet).  This helped clear up Chase's some, but not all the way so I made an appt. with an allergist.

I wanted to have him tested for allergies as well as get his IgG and IgE blood panels done, but after 2.5 hours in the office we left after the skin test (which all came back negative - as I suspected it would).  The doctor did tell me he had Candida rash and eczema (which I wasn't aware of) which could also be caused by an allergy/sensitivity to foods.  The allergist doctor gave me a Rx for Nystatin Cream (FINALLY, this is what I had originally asked his pediatrician for 6-7 weeks earlier).  I started using in along with Oregano oil on the bottoms of their feet and Chase's rash cleared up in a matter of days.

Miles was a different story.  He had not been on any special diet before all this.  In fact, he ate HORRIBLE.  He lived on "snacks": goldfish, pretzels, Cheetos, cookies, all kinds of sugary junk.  I started using the Nystatin cream on him too and after 2-3 weeks it was still not getting any better.  His mouth was nasty looking!  After talking with lots of mom's and reading lots of things on the good ole' internet, I decided to put Miles on the same GFCF diet as Chase and try to cut out as much sugar as possible (natural and not).  I didn't cut it out 100%, maybe more like 75%.

Sunday a week ago we started, and the first 3 days were HELL!  Miles cried and whined and fussed all. day. long. for those first few days.  He woke up every morning crying hysterically, begging for pretzels, Cheetos and goldfish for breakfast.  It was miserable.  I didn't really think about it at the time, but I honestly think it was "yeast die off".  His rash got worse during that time too.  He was even asking me to give him medicine (Motrin) because it is sweet!  He was pitiful...begging for popsicles and ice cream.  It was like sugar was coming out of his words! :)  But after about 4-5 days his rash has started going away, almost not even noticeable anymore, and his behavior is better.  He is waking up happier in the mornings.  It's crazy to me how much a person's gut can be affected by the foods you eat (and how unhealthy the options at the grocery store are...don't even get me started on that right now).

So for now, our household is spending HUNDREDS of dollars each week on organic/whole food groceries.  I have to look at this way...we spent hundreds of dollars each month in doctor co-pays last year because my kids were so sick all the time, and (knock on wood) we have not been to the doctor for any illness, other than the rash, since last spring!!! No colds, no stomach bugs, nothing. My boys are healthier and happier than they have ever been and it makes this mamma so happy too! :)

Words From Heaven

Every parent knows that feeling, the feeling you get when you hear your child say your name, "mama" or "dada", for the first time.  Or when they say "I love you", or the first time they say their prayers...and all the many firsts that come along when a child is learning to talk, learning language, and expressing themselves to you.

Before we even had an Autism diagnosis for Chase, speech (or lack there of) was our number one concern with his development.  We prayed and prayed for it to come.  To hear him say what it was that he wanted.  For the tantrums and frustrations to stop.  Even after his diagnosis and months in to therapy, we kept praying for words.  For something to "click" and for it to just happen.  Like you read about so many times, that one day they just start speaking.

Well our prayers have been answered.  The words are starting to finally COME!  It has been the hardest puzzle we have ever worked.  All of us.  Including and most especially for Chase.  We have prayed for direction and guidance to make sure we are doing everything we can on our part...to make sure he's in the best school setting, getting the best therapies, utilizing all the resources that we have available, and most recently prayed for guidance in alternative treatments and supplements.

We knew by moving here and putting him at BCA he would be getting the BEST possible therapies available in the state (in our opinion).  We fought to get him in to a blended preK class this year at the and his class and teacher are AWESOME!  (the public school therapies are not the best, at the moment, but that's another issue).  He will be enrolling in a KidTalk study starting after Christmas getting additional FREE speech therapy through a research study at Vanderbilt where they will come to his school 4 days a week for speech therapy!  And starting back in May we began the journey of the gluten free casein free diet.

The diet has been the hardest thing in the last few months that we have done.  Without any proven research on this topic, and with so many different options of diets, supplements, biomedical treatments, etc...it's so hard to know what avenue to go?  We started with the basic, gfcf, diet, which I wrote about here, here and here.  Most recently we have cut out soy, msgs, any preservatives or artificial sweeteners, etc.  He's 100% gfcf, and about 95% free of the other things.  He still eats a handful of things that have one or 2 of those in them, but for the most part they are out of his diet.

In the last 2 months Chase has said more new words than I can count!!!  He's saying 1 or 2 new words just about every day, at either school or at BCA.  It's amazing to hear such sweet words.  Words that we have prayed and prayed to come.  And once again, God has answered our prayers.  There is a renewed hope!

Just today in his daily notes his therapists wrote: "When looking at the star, and after being prompted to show us yellow on the iPad, CH spontaneously said "YELLOW"!  Then during art, he repeated Morgan's direction "Pat-Pat-Pat"!!!"  In another session later he said "water" and "hi" in context!  And last week he said, "Yea, videos!" when the iPad was brought out at circle time.  All of his words are spontaneous and in context, which is EVEN better, because he is intentionally saying things in an appropriate way and appropriate setting

I don't know how much the diet contributes to this success?  I am certainly not going to act like it is the cure-all, because I don't believe that to be the case.  I was a skeptic of this diet, and any alternative treatments, for a long time.  Admittedly, it was easier to be skeptic than to buck up and fight the fight to try it, because it is SO HARD, especially with a very picky eater.  But I do think, in combination with his amazing therapies, this diet has helped clear the "fog" and made the therapies all the more effective!  And we can now tell a MAJOR difference in certain behaviors when we "cheat" on the diet and give him foods with gluten or casein.  And I just don't think it's coincidental that after starting the diet 4-5 months ago, he is now saying words!

Praise the Lord, for answering yet another prayer!  I know Chase has a long way to go, but after a hard week last week, and in moments of doubt (which I am guilty of way too much lately), God once again reminds me that He is in control and that He has much bigger and better plans for Chase in His own timing.

Here is a pic of Chase last week at BCA during "western week" :)

Stewards of Children

A couple of weeks ago all the parents at the Brown Center were highly encouraged to attend this training session called "Stewards of Children" about child sexual abuse.  As soon as I read the email about what the August parent gathering was going to be about I immediately got anxiety.  This is something that has been on my mind for quite some time, especially with Chase being non-verbal, so maybe the timing of this training was perfect.  I was still not prepared for what I would learn and how I would feel walking away from the training.

The numbers are staggering.  About 1 in 10 children experience child sexual abuse before their 18th birthday.  It is likely the most prevalent health problem children face with the most serious array of consequences; ranging from post traumatic stress disorder, to anxiety and depression, to substance abuse, to aggression/hostility, to sexual promiscuity, and MANY more issues.

I highly recommend that EVERY parent or caregiver take this training course.  It is eye opening and will teach you so many ways to not only protect your own children, but any other child you know or come in contact with regularly.

Here is a BRIEF (believe it or not) overview of the main things I took away from the training...

"Child sexual abuse is: any sexual act between an adult and a minor, or between two minors, when one exerts power over the other.   Forcing, coercing or persuading a child to engage in any type of sexual act.  it also includes non-contact acts such as exhibitionism, exposure to pornography, voyeurism and communicating in a sexual manner by phone or internet.  It is a crime punishable by law."

*Child sexual abuse makes children more vulnerable to sexual exploitation. More than 90% of children who are sexually exploited have been sexually abused in the past. 
*Most child victims never report sexual abuse.
*90% of children who are victims of sexual abuse know their abuser.
*30% of children who are sexually abused are abused by family members.
*60% of children who are sexually abused are abused by people the family trusts.
*40% of children who are sexually abused are abused by older, more powerful children.
*10% of less of children who are sexually abused are abused by a stranger.
*It is also possible that you know someone who is sexually abusing a child.  The greatest risk to our children doesn't come from strangers, but from people we know and trust. 

These numbers were outrageous to me!!!!!

Ways to prevent sexual abuse: 
1) Eliminate or reduce isolated, one-on-one situations, and screen those who care for children in youth settings, to decrease the risk of sexual abuse.  80% or more of child sexual abuse incidents happen in isolated one-on-one situations. When you eliminate or reduce isolated, one-on-one situations with children, you dramatically lower the risk of sexual abuse. 
2) Scan the physical environment for hidden and secluded areas, and correct any dangers.
3) Make sure interactions can be observed and interrupted.
4) Anticipate situational risks that occur during youth activities (older youth should not be in isolated, one-on-one situations in youth serving settings).

People who abuse children often become friendly with the potential victims and their families.  They earn trust and gain time alone with children...sometimes this is called "grooming". 

Screening out people who may abuse children is another way to minimize abuse opportunities.  Background checks, in-person interviews that focus on proper boundaries with children, and personal and professional references are all good ways to screen during hirings.

One thing that REALLY stood out to me during the training, which I think is very important with all children, is that we, as parents, need to have age-appropriate, open conversations about our bodies, sex and boundaries with our children.  We need to be sure to teach our children the proper names for body parts (rather than nick names) so that if a child is ever in a position where they are trying to communicate abuse to another adult, that person is aware of what the child is trying to convey.  Make sure that children understand that no matter what has happened, they can share without fear of being blamed.

When appropriate...
*tell children what sexual abuse is
*tell them that it's your job to protect them from sexual abuse
*tell children what parts of the body others should not touch (with examples)
*demonstrate good touching boundaries yourself
*teach children they have the right to tell anyone "NO" to unwanted or uncomfortable touch - never force children to give affection, tell children to trust their gut feeling
*explain what kind of touch is ok from adults trying to help them (like using the restroom, dressing, going to the doctor)
*tell children it's not ok for others to use sexual words with them or act in a sexual way
*teach children to keep a distance from people who make them feel uncomfortable
*explain that secrets can be harmful and if someone asks them to keep a secret they should tell you about it
*teach children not to give out email addresses, home addresses, phone numbers, etc
*ask children about their online experiences and learn and monitor what websites they use
*help children determine who their trusted adults are at school and in other settings
*review safety and touching boundaries anytime a child is in a new situation
*speak and listen calmly, it's important a child feels safe and loved in all these discussions

Learn to recognize the signs of sexual abuse to protect children from further harm.
*Physical signs are not common.  However, when physical signs are present, they may include bruising, bleeding, redness and bumps, or scabs around the mouth, genitals, or anus.  Urinary tract infections, STDs, and abnormal vaginal or penile discharge are also potential signs.
*Other physical problems such as anxiety, chronic stomach pain, or headaches may occur,
*Emotional and behavioral signals are more common.  Some of these are "too perfect" behavior, withdrawal, fear, depression, unexplained anger, or rebellion.
*Nightmares, bed wetting, falling grades, cruelty to animals, bullying, being bullied, fire setting, runaway, and self harm of any kind may be signs.
*Sexual behavior and language that are not age-appropriate can be red flags.
*Use of alcohol or drugs at an early age can be a sign.

If a child discloses sexual abuse to you, they are taking a huge risk.  Give attention, compassion and belief.  DON'T OVERREACT!  Listen calmly and openly.  Don't fill in gaps or rush to "get to the bottom of it".  Allow silence in the conversation so that the child can take his/her time.  Don't ask leading questions about details.  Ask only open-ended questions like "What happened next?" or "It's ok to tell me more."  Say "I believe you" and "It's not your fault" and "I will protect you and I am very proud of you for telling me."

Leaving the training, I felt like I was NEVER going to be able to trust ANYONE with my children ever again.  I took Chase to school the next day and immediately scanned the room to make sure there weren't any secluded areas.  I told the teacher about the training session I did and asked her what their bathroom procedures were like.  I also spoke with both of Chase's therapists at his Pre-K to find out where they were doing their sessions (in the classroom or in a one-on-one setting) and made it clear that I wanted all sessions to be done in the classroom (even though sometimes I think Chase benefits from isolated one-on-one therapies, this is something I am willing to compromise on for his safety).  One-on-one has never been an issue for me at Brown.  Every room is equipped with a camera that is wired to the parent viewing room so it's never even been an issue there.

After doing my due diligence and knowing the signs and things to look for, I feel SOOOO MUCH better knowing that I am doing the most that I can to protect Chase and Miles from that kind of exposure and abuse.  I can't keep them holed up at home for the rest of their lives (even though sometimes I think I want to).

For anyone interested in this training here is the link:
http://www.d2l.org/site/c.4dICIJOkGcISE/b.6243681/k.86C/Child_Sexual_Abuse_Prevention_Training.htm