Family Week

I am now in my 7th week at Cumberland Heights and absolutely LOVING my new job! As a new employee, who does not have a direct impact from any kind of addiction, it was recommended that I participate in "Family Week" to learn about addiction and recovery. So, I spent three days last week going through "Family Week" with the families of patients who were currently in their 3rd week of treatment at Cumberland Heights. 

It was such an eye-opening and educational experience on so many levels. I definitely learned a lot about the disease of addiction. I learned about all the ways addiction affects each individual's family and loved ones. I learned about the roller coaster of emotions these family members have been through and are going through as their loved ones are getting treatment. And the anxiety and fear they have thinking about the inevitable future as these patients leave this safe haven of treatment. But the ones I could relate the most to were the parents of children dealing with addiction.  

Co-dependency is a big topic during family week. As I learned about how families can "enable" an addict and become co-dependent on them for their own happiness and self-worth, a reality hit me hard. This is exactly what I, and I assume many other parents of children with Autism, must feel as we navigate our own children's paths to "recovery".  

Any parent who is on the journey of "recovery" from Autism (which is a hot topic of its own), can attest that it is a constant roller coaster of emotions and feelings. There are a lot good days and a lot of bad days. It's a constant 3 steps forward 2 steps back, song and dance. It puts a lot of stress on marriages and outside relationships because so much time, energy and money is spent trying to "heal" our children. It's a 24/7 battle. I hear of marriages crumbling far too often, due to the strain and stress this journey causes. It can make or break you, and for us, my husband and I, we are not exempt from these struggles either. 

I found myself, while learning about co-dependency of family members and addicts, thinking about how I start and end my days (especially, more so in the beginning of this "recovery" journey) and how I am somewhat co-dependent on Chase's well-being for my own happiness and attitude. A lot of mornings my mood depends on how Chase's attitude and behaviors are when he wakes up; and Miles's also, but not to the same extent. If Chase is happy, calm and "present" my mood is generally pretty good.  But if he wakes up irritable, "off" or "stimmy" I immediately shut down. My patience is thin. I myself become irritable and short. My faith goes out the window and the weight of the world falls on my shoulders. Communication shuts down. I internalize and take out my stress and frustration on everyone else, mostly my husband.   

But when Chase has good days I feel like I'm on top of the world. I feel like we can beat this diagnosis and like everything will be OK. The future looks bright and the channels of communication are open and good.

Over time, as we have navigated the ebbs and flows of this recovery journey, and I have come to realize that I am doing EVERYTHING I can at this moment to help my child, I can feel the strings of co-dependency lessening. I feel myself breathing again. As cheesy as it sounds, when I "LET GO AND LET GOD" and give it all over to Him, the stress seems to fade. It's always there on some level, but I know that it's ultimately out of my control. 

I have also come to realize that for Chase to have his best shot at "recovery", I have to be on my A-game and be in a good place mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually, to best be able to help him. I have made a conscious effort the last several months to make time for myself, to work out regularly, to take a deep breath and have more patience, to give the boys equal time and attention, to communicate effectively and openly, to schedule date nights and alone time with my husband and to get back to church regularly (now that we have found a church that can meet Chase's needs as well). It’s something I have to remind myself to do every day, but we are healing and recovering as a family now. And I was reminded again last week, sitting through family week, that recovery is not an individual journey, it’s a family journey.