As I look back on this past year, the fog is lifting, the 20/20 vision is returning, and the weight is being lifted from our shoulders a little at a time. It has become apparent that God has had his finger on this whole transition from the get go. We always knew He did, but seeing it in hind sight is pretty amazing! Why did we ever doubt Him in the midst of pain and suffering? It's so easy to ask WHY? Why me? Why an innocent child? Why are things not working out? Why is it taking so long? Are you really there God? Are you going to help us out here?!?
We had many "questioning" moments this past year. And still do.
Once we got home from the "diagnosis" we made a conscious decision not to discuss it with many people until we could figure out a game plan. What to do next. We didn't want the diagnosis to define Chase or be a negative label. We didn't want everyone's opinions or suggestions of what we should do. We weren't ready to answer a bunch of questions until we could let it all sink in. We just wanted to pray and research and make the decision we felt was best for our Chase. We knew from the moment we got his diagnosis we would have to move. We were ok with that, we had a peace about that much. Deciding where to go was the big question. Insurance, in the state of Tennessee does not cover any types of therapy related to Autism. If you are lucky you may get 30 speech or OT sessions partially covered, but that doesn't touch what Chase really needed/needs (therapy EVERY day...you could breeze through those 30 visits in less than 2-3 months). That was a factor in our decision, at first. We looked at Texas and South Carolina. Those were the 2 closest states to home where insurance covered the cost of therapies. It was all so overwhelming...where to begin, where to look, etc. All we could do at that point was pray about it. We prayed for God to give us answers, to show us the path to take, to lead us in the direction that was best for our WHOLE family, not just little Chase. Something about moving so far away, regardless of insurance, just wasn't settling. I knew we would need the support of our families in the upcoming months and years of Chase's therapy so we kept praying for guidance.
My dear friend Abbie called me soon after I told her about the diagnosis and put me in touch with a girl she used to be in small group at church with, Rachel. She told me that Rachel had moved, about 6 months prior, to Nashville to put her autistic son in a program there. (Was this a sign from God? I definitely think so!) So I called up this total stranger and confided in her details about my son that I had never shared with anyone outside of family. She told me her story and shared her resources...invaluable tools on this journey. She would become my advice go-to and my sense of sanity and understanding in the months to come. She would be the one to introduce us to our new home for therapy here in Nashville...The Brown Center for Autism. I scheduled a visit to BCA in early March and knew instantly this is where we needed to be. I had such a peace about this place and felt that it was EXACTLY what Chase needed. Another answered prayer! We put our house on the market shortly after and waited for the showings to start. Chase went back to Nashville with me in early April for a "parent interview" at BCA and it was at that point we wrote a check for our first month's tuition to secure our spot...August 5 was the start date! We had NO IDEA how we were even going to get ourselves to Nashville, but we knew we had to do everything in our power to try.
Our house got a contract on it within 5 weeks and we started packing up. Then the first setback came...the buyer backed out 2 weeks prior to closing. Disappointment and frustration began. Trying to sell our house became our #1 priority, behind making the most of Chase's therapies in Jackson. By mid-July, with no offers in sight, and going back and forth on whether or not to rent (I was very hesitant about renting), we decided to try leasing our house and had a renter within a day, (BLESSING)! And on top of that they agreed to pay well over our mortgage for a year lease, (BLESSING)! Check the house off the list. We finished packing and moved in with my parents at the end of July.
The next step in the process was finding Chase a job in Nashville. This would prove to be the most challenging and testing of the steps to get there. His job in Jackson was VERY demanding, leaving him little to no time to interview or make phone calls. He spent many late nights emailing and searching online while I began the house hunting process. As August 5 approached we realized we would not be making that deadline to get Chase started so we pushed the start date back to September 9, after Labor Day. That gave us a few extra weeks to search for a job and a house.
As the days ticked down and no job interviews were scheduled frustration and doubt creeped in. We knew this was the right decision and we had faith that God would provide for us, that things would work out...but I am a planner and I wanted things mapped out and marked on the calendar. Not what God had in mind. We weren't sure what the next steps were. Do we commit to a house/lease without Chase having a job? Do I commute with little Chase until Chase can get a job? Do we push the start date back AGAIN? All we could do is pray...and continue to have faith that God would work things out. My main prayer in these days of doubt were that God would help me keep my faith in Him and that I would continue to trust in Him and in His timing. Chase and I were both adamant that he begin at BCA on September 9 NO MATTER WHAT we had to do to make that happen.
I started driving to Nashville and looking at rental houses. On about the 5th trip to Nashville, in pouring down rain, 2 weeks from Chase's start date at BCA, I finally found a house. I was so tired of looking at over-priced, tiny rental homes, I just said "WE WILL TAKE IT"! I was a nervous wreck signing the lease and sending in the check for the first and last month's rent plus security deposit. THIS IS IT. Here we go! We are committed now. It was a huge leap of faith for us because Chase still didn't have a job. We still had doubts and reservations about whether or not this was the right choice. Then the interviews lined up. Chase left for Nashville on a Friday morning at 5am with 2 interviews scheduled. By the end of the day he had met with 5 people and had 2 offers on the table within a week. But the money wasn't enough to pay for Chase's therapy and this new cost of living. The next major hurdle we had to get over.
There was one more possible job offer we were holding out for. Chase put off the other offers as long as he could. Should we risk losing these offers holding out for a better one? I was a nervous wreck, again! Then it came...5 days before we were supposed to move, the offer he wanted! Praise God! Chase would work out his 2 weeks here in Jackson and be in Nashville a week after I moved with the boys (not ideal, but we were ecstatic it had all worked out)!
We joked throughout the entire time that God would let everything fall in to place, probably at the very last minute and boy did He ever! Down to the wire!
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